Why I don’t belong anywhere

The title of this story seems a bit sad but the story itself doesn’t necessarily need to be sad. Let me first give you some background information.

I am an Austrian girl with Iranian origins. In my case it’s not only the black curly hair and the face features that make me Iranian, I was in fact raised with Iranian/Muslim values and they are still a big part of me.

What makes me Austrian is that I was born in Vienna, most of my friends are Austrian or of a different origin than I am, I love skiing and I just like the fact that most Austrians just do whatever they want to do. Some look typically Austrian (fairly blond and cute), some are punks, some are gothics, some are … you can be whatever you want to be. It doesn’t really matter what you look like or what kind of music you listen to. And for most of the time (except those grumpy old women on the streets) people do not try to tell you how you should dress or behave. Just do whatever you want.

I’ve been travelling to Iran for almost every year since I was a baby. In Iran things are different. On the one hand people are more friendly towards guests but everything is verbalized also things that people in Austria don’t talk about. That’s part of the oriental culture. For instance no matter if I know myself if I lost or gained some weight compared to last year… people will tell me! If you are not dressed according to the latest fashion rules people will stare at you and the ones who are closer to you will tell you. I’m so used to wear whatever I want so obeying to any fashion rules seems ridiculous to me. But in Iran it’s almost a law. And if you look different than the others people stare at you… all… the… time… unless you are a tourist, then they pay attention to you for another reason.

What also disturbs me in Iran is that “normal” people almost don’t exist. People are either really religous or really against religion and they will let you know. On the one hand you can see it looking at what they wear and also their behaviour will easily make you understand to which side they belong.

And what about me then? I was raised in Austria with Iranian/Muslim values. I do believe in God, pray, fast during Ramadan but I do not wear a headscarf. Well, I do wear one in Iran where I have to but there I rather look like the ones who are not religous at all because I don’t wear a chador (long black veil). So in Iran, I for sure don’t belong to either side.

What about Austria then? Well, here we have the advantage that Vienna has become a very international city so I guess everyone could feel like they are belonging here. What about being a real Austrian then? Well, I don’t speak any dialect. I didn’t learn it from my parents. I like going to traditional Austrian events though as I like cultural events in general. Last year I went to the “Neustifter Kirtag” together with my husband and his parents. My husband and I even had the traditional clothes on. People stared at us — not in a good way. This was a sad experience and showed me once again that I’m not really Austrian either.

And here comes the positive part about the story. I am proud not to belong anywhere. I am neither Austrian nor Iranian. I have both cultures inside of me and the only thing I really am is a human being. I don’t want to be proud of my Persian roots or my Austrian passport. I don’t want to be proud of anything that was given to me by accident, especially in these days where segregation and xenophobia are becoming bigger and bigger topics.

I am proud of being a tolerant, open-minded human being, not afraid of different cultures and fully respecting anyone’s beliefs even if they are not even a little close to mine. I am proud of everything I learnt throughout the years, of the languages I speak and of my different success stories where I invested a lot of work and energy. I am proud of being the way I am and not the way anyone ever wanted me to be. I am proud of having all this love inside of me which I happily spread around, especially to my close ones.

I am proud to be able to talk about my feelings and I am proud to write and share this blog post, hoping to reach more people who are proud of the same things like me.