Do kids cause mental health?

As a coach I’m always thinking about my own personal development and of course also about the personal development of others. And I observe a lot.

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about kids, I don’t have any myself but some friends are pregnant, some gave birth recently and well, also for me it’s not as far away as before (no, I’m not pregnant :P)

Whenever I’m in Iran I see a lot more kids and last time I came up with an interesting thought. Maybe it will disturb some people but I’m convinced that there is at least some truth about it. I think life was easier for people back in the days when they got married earlier and also had their kids earlier.

What I observe a lot these days is that people, in this case especially women, have too much time to think about too many things. Of course it’s good to reflect but overthinking has become some sort of illness. There are many thoughts like “What should I do? Should I change my job? Should I date this guy? What should I do on the weekend? Why did this/that happen? …” We just have too much time to think because there is nothing fulfilling our lives. Not everybody is like this of course but many people are.

On the one hand being alone until your thirties is a good thing because you have a lot of time for your self-development but on the other hand you also have a lot of time for self-distruction.

What I hear from a lot of people is that having kids made them think less about the small negative things that just happen every day because they don’t have the time for it and they suddenly have something in their life that is just so much more important. They just wake up from a lot of negativity and focus on their little child, on the beauty of life, on creating a great life for their kid.

Of course one cannot generalize, many women in Iran got married when they were very young and maybe they didn’t even like their husband. But what I find a little sad is that getting married earlier has become a no-go. I think it is beautiful is you’re lucky to find your soulmate early and get to spend your whole life with him. Nowadays people have the tendency not to commit themselves too early. And those who do are thought to be a little weird. And in the end many people lose the chance to commit themselves at all because they just denied too many chances until the moment where there was no more option left.

For me my family has always been my number one. And I think it has evolutionary reasons why most people long for a partner and long for having their own family. It’s good to be independent but I think we’re working against our own nature and for me this is the root for many mental illnesses.