Don’t cry after people who were never there

The other day I had an interesting talk to a very dear friend of mine. I was taking about a friend that I hadn’t seen in a really long time. We were still in touch but somehow she never found the time to meet up with me. I never took it too seriously since I knew that she had a really difficult life situation and I’m actually more the understanding kind of person in these situations.

We were really good friends in school and even after that we would see each other quite often. And then you know, different friends, relationships and so on. At some point she just didn’t take the time anymore to meet up. First it got less and less but at least for birthdays and so on I would see her.

Actually now I can’t even say when I saw her the last time but it was definitely not my birthday and also not the birthday before that. Somehow I didn’t realize it at all, maybe I got used to it and lowered my expectations. But at least we would write each other from time to time, that made it seem to me like she was somehow there.

But then there was this one occasion where I really wanted her to take part. I took it absolutely for granted that she would be there but just like other times I wasn’t a priority for her. This time it hurt me. Although I never saw her I thought that if I really wanted to see her, I could. But this was just an illusion. My friend told me, “ Why are you sad?” And I said, “Because she won’t take the time to be there.” And she said, “But darling, she was never there. Why are you crying after people who were never there?” It sounds stupid but that was exactly what I was doing.

So what did I learn of this? I feel that within the last years I was more zooming on my relationships and my close friends. But what about my other friends? It’s so damn important to take the time to reflect about the people you spend your time with or the people you spend your time writing messages or thinking about. Don’t waste a thought on anyone that is not there for you. Spend more time with the ones who care. We are all so short on time so it’s even more important to spend it with the ones who really count.